Lawyers & Labyrinths

Andy's stuff


I’ve attached some new maps.

Haryana planes have been occupied by orcs since time immemorial. Always in small bands chasing/herding large, powerful cow/buffalo creatures. The Nabatans are not just normal elves who live in the desert. They have comically large ears which allow them to regulate their heat. Gnomes and humans had previously lived in hunter gatherer tribes throughout the world.

Civilization as we may call it began on the shores of the Vetran river. It is a deep, powerful river running from the snow fall from the coastal mountains of the southern continent (Hryan). Time began year zero, the day the supereme god Vetra took a part of himself and shaped it into the form of man to rule the world. Or that’s how the story goes anyway. Controlling the river with levees and flooding the plains with sluices allowed for a massive increase in the production of wheat and barley, but also required a powerful hierarchy to coordinate massive construction efforts of peasantry. The City of Petras at the base of the alluvial fan of the Vetran river was the seat of the Petran God-Kings who ruled their river valley. They created massive monuments and were unchallenged by any foreign power.

With absolute power came absolute corruption and the Petran God-King dynasties rose and fell with intrigue and power struggles among the elite, but Vetra the River God invariably replaced one God-King with another.

The Guild of Mages traces its origin to this time, as the keeper of the secrets of magic and the tutors of the god-kings.

Petras reached its absolute zenith around year 3,000, which was about 2,000 years ago. At the height of its empire the Vetran delta was able to feed 40 million peasants, 400k noble warriors, 2k high priests, and one God-King. At this time the glittering road was an unmolested pathway from Petras to Ryskov. The Petran God-Kings sent out teams of humans and gnomes to colonize the world. It was at this time that the majority of cities were founded along the coast of the northern continent (Hronan). Human/gnomish settlements, these were always led by a team in which the humans cared for the defense and the gnomes cared for the accounting and taxation. At this time the settlements received raw resources from the surrounding tribes as tribute and also occasionally enslaved them. All raw resources flowed to Petras where they were processed/manufactured, taxed, and the remnants redistributed throughout the empire.

There are 3 active volcanoes on the continent of Hryan. Mount Haran is deep in the Nabatan Waste. It erupted in the year 3042 years ago and the Nabatans, always living on the margin of starvation beforehand, died in droves. The Petran God-Kings saw this as a sign that the Nabatans were an affront to Vetra. The Nabatans saw this as the first sign of judgment from their God Naath — too many young Nabatans had been seduced by the Petran way of life, too many Petrans had been allowed to pass through the desert. From the eruption of Mt Haran forward, the Nabatans have been subject to hate and disregard in Petras and all of its child cultures, and the Nabatans in return have harassed the glittering road into non-existance.

Mt Vekra stands not 15 miles away from the Vetran Delta. In the year 3891 it erupted. The ash blocked out the sun, the crops were ruined. The prophet Marchen preached that the apocalypse was upon them and that all those who clung to this world would perish with it. Even the warriors rose to destroy their own city. Almost overnight the Petran city burned to the ground. The levees were destroyed, the lower city was flooded, the upper city burnt, nothing was left.
3892 was the beginning of a dark age. Without Petras as the center of manufacturing, and without the warriors to maintain dominance over the hinterland tribes, the colonies became islands of civilization prey to their long abused neighbors and slaves. Much of the records of this time and previous are gone.

Slowly but surely power coalesced in west Hronan. In 3944 the Hansard league was founded of the few cities around the Kyalan straights which remained in contact. They maintained their sacred peace with the Chanagara, chisled in stone and sealed in blood upon the boundary markers placed when the first Petran colonists arrived on the Hronan shores.

In 4065 the city of Somenzk finally won a generations-old war with its neighbor Falkar and then began to gobble up the surrounding states. The Somenzk Empire dominated everything west of the Hronan mountains, it’s conquests fueled by the ambitions of its internally democratic nobility.

The Somenzk Empire attempted to conquer the Hansard league. The Somenzk empire attempted multiple times to attack Hansard, always failing. First failing in the sea, then in the mountain passes. On the third great attack the Somensks managed to reach the city walls of Hansard, but Hansard messengers were able to run the blockade and spread the word among the Chanagara. In 4272 in what became known as the GREAT DEFENSE OF HANSARD went down in the record books forever as the greatest single horde of Chanagara devastated the Somensk armies which had invested Hansard.

This became a turning point in history. The great houses of Somensk had one by one lost their honor in their failed attempts to take Hansard, and with this the last great house fell. Somensk fell into civil war and out from that civil war emerged a single victor who abolished the Somensk democracy and established his line of the Utzakan Emperors. Within 200 years the Empire became an unsustainable bureacuracy and fell into civil war until it finally broke into independent states. While this tragedy played out in the west, Hansard patiently controlled trade through the Kyalan straights. It reconnected itself with lost Petran colonies, and re-established colonies where it could not find survivors. When the Somensk empire fractured a few cities requested to be incorporated into the Hansard league, then a few more, until finally Somenzk itself, cut off from the world of trade completely controlled by Hansard, capitulated and joined the Hansard league in 4431.

Now there was only one power in the world: the Hansard league, ruled by the great houses, themselves descendants of the gnomish accountants sent out by the Petran emperors, but no one remembers those humble beginnings, as they were lost in the dark ages. All raw resources flow to Hansard, where they are processed, refined, and sent out again to the corners of the globe. The merchants are wealthy and the merchant houses use that wealth to assure peace.

In 4430, Temuj, an Orcish explorer rediscovered the ancient glittering road. Unmolested in his travels he sought funding from the Hansard league for the reestablishment of Petras. Remembering the God-Emperors of Petras and the evil they wielded, the Hansard league rejected Temuj’s offer to lead a party to reestablish Petras. Undaunted, Temuj went to the struggling city of Somenzk and produced the same offer. In what became a bureaucratic nightmare mix-up for Hansard, a large group of somenzki followed Temuj, leaving before Somenzk’s capitulation but reaching the Kyalan straights afterwards, so that the large colonization party was allowed to pass unmolested. For twenty five years they struggled on the banks of the Vetran river to reestablish themselves and to pierce the glittering road. They were not contacted by any traders, because no one knew they were there. The whole time Temuj did not contact Hansard because he felt that they would demand him quashed. When finally they did make contact again accidentally, a world peace had been in place long enough that fears of a rejuvenated Petras were overwhelmed by the wonderful gems Petras was able to export. Temuj was called to Hansard and in what is still one of the most hotly debated political turning points in world history, he was allowed to continue on with his work in Petras, given a large infusion of Hansard loyalists.

The gems are particularly important. There are many normal gems, but Ryskov gems are important ingredients in magic, and their power gets used up as they are used. They can also be used in many herbal remedies and elixirs. In short: The gems must flow.

The year is now 4652. The more active the glittering road became the more harassed it became by the Nabatans. The cadet branches of the Hansard merchant houses have become more independent. They are beginning to believe that Petras could return to its former glory. A combination of wooing manufacturing away from Hansard, building up a military power, figuring out the ancient engineering behind the water-control systems, undermining Hansard, and abusing their position of controlling the glittering road — all options have been probed enough to garner the attention of Hansard – and thus Karl Kristophson has been sent.

I’ll figure more about the local political struggle out tomorrow.

Party Loot

I have a record of all of the loot that the party had prior to our last session. Some of the stuff listed was obviously disposed of during the session.

1048 Gold.
Croc Skin
Croc Head
Snake Skin
Snake Skeleton
Special Deck of Cards with inscription: Only the noble of heart.
1 Key
4 sets of leather armor
2 great clubs
1 light cross bow of gnomish design
1 light regular light cross bow
6 heal light wounds potions

There are a couple of other things listed on the record I have, but we distributed those items to individual players already, so those items should be on each of your character sheets.

Mighty Fine Shindig
Lawyers v. Edward de Vere

The Petras Enquirer:

All the News That Fits the Printing Press

Reaver-Cleaver Strikes Again!

Reports from Dockside indicate that another victim of the Reaver-Cleaver has been found. The victim has been identified as Low Market Jenny. Typical of the Reaver-Cleaver, the victim was missing both quadriceps muscles and both earlobes. She was also missing multiple fingers. When asked for comment, a very saucily-dressed Captain Angela Delphin gave a very aggressive “NO COMMENT,” and threw the Enquirer’s reporter in the harbor.

Debauchery at Capet-Danmar Engagement Party!

Artists Rendering of Hamnet von Danmar, Julia Capet Touching Lips! In Public! With Other People!

Captain Quirk Jumps Out Window! Pursued by Distraught Lover! Flees Across Grounds!

In an increasingly unsurprising fashion, Captain Mayon Quirk was spotted diving out a window and running away from a jilted lover. While there are conflicting reports on whether his lover was a burly, tattooed orc, a spangly-shorted human, a comically costumed gnome, or some combination of the aforementioned lovers, his lover was surprisingly male, contrary to our recurring series of “Who’s your Daddy? Quirk’s your Daddy.” He was last seen hurling himself over the walls of the Capet estate, pursued by at least one jilted lover. We look forward to providing you with all the salacious details.

Drunken Revel in Street Amazingly Safe! Only One Death!

Atypically for an Altai Hill birthday party, only one death was reported at Emelia of DeMona’s party on Standard Street. The unfortunate deceased, Thello of Somence, appears to have died of an an overabundance of iron. In particular, he appears to have suffered said overabundance in his stomach and femoral artery.

What's happened so far
Lawyers v. DM Fiat

Adventure 1: Call Me Surprised – In which the PCs get themselves off a boat.
Adventure 2: Delphin’s Six – in which the PCs find a dungeon
Adventure 3: Sing a Song of Lots of Gold – in which the PCs creat a ruckus in town

Sing a Song of Lots of Gold
Lawyers v. the Law

The Naked Sword: From the Files of the Petrane Guard

3 Germinal 1492

Report No: 2-1492-3852

From: Constable Emet
To: Inspector Hoban

A disturbance was reported at a Dockside tavern. An unusual amount of dancing was reported, including with a dead snake. Onlookers say a gnome and half-orc were very possessive of said snake and a large crocodile head. Arrested drunks would not stop singing about swamp adventurers. Said gnome was dragged from tavern. Abduction possible, but unlikely.

Recommendation: Ignore. Report closed.

4 Germinal 1492

Report No: 2-1492-3937

From: Constable Emet
To: Inspector Burne Hoban

Two martial adepts of Bolenna were cited and released for rowdiness. Their companions said they were raving about “listening Toms” at the door.

Recommendation: Does not merit further follow up. Report closed.

5 Germinal 1492


From: Angela Delphin
To: File No: XXXX

Adventuring party recommended by Insp. Hoban survived. Brought grisly trophies. Informed them of Capet party. Informed them of dress code. Emphasized dress code & code of behavior. Advised them of possibility of dueling. Informed of assassins as security. Surprisingly, did not ask for money. Will be present w/Insp. Hoban to supervise. Will advise further afterwards.

6 Germinal 1492

Report No: 4-1492-3037

From: Corporal Rolf Witte
To: Captain Winslow Knocker

Residents in Low Market reported hearing the sounds of a scuffle. Investigation resulted in the discovery of five bodies.

Coroner’s Report

  • Human male, suffered severe wounds before being killed by a thrust directly to his heart
  • Human male, cause of death from wounds
  • Gnome female, cause of death severe head trauma. Features destroyed. Not halfling?
  • Human male, killed by crossbow bolt to back. Found with hands still bound. Cut rope nearby.
  • Half-orc male, death from precisely slit throat

Evaluation: Victims appear to have defended selves. Absence of weapons and cash indicates victims were robbed, attempted to defend selves, and failed. Bonds, slit throat, and brutal death suggests that surviving victims were interrogated, and brutally murdered after an escape attempt.

Recommendation: No leads. Will follow up as reports indicate more.

Note: May be related to report from Hall of Heroes that some members were missing. No evidence at scene to support conclusion.

9 Germinal 1492: Further investigation unlikely to be fruitful, as crime scene destroyed by fire.

8 Germinal 1492

Report No: 4-1492-3274

From: Corporal Jacqueline Mayim
To: Captain Winslow Knocker

A fire broke out in Low Market. Appears to be the same neighborhood referenced by Corporal Witte in Report No. 4-1492-3037. Three buildings entirely destroyed. Three more damaged. Front window glass found inside initial hot spot building. Likely caused by collapse of building, but atypical. Only populated building was nearby tavern. Entirely destroyed. No corpses found. As hot spot was bakery, cause of fire likely accident, but undetermined.

Recommendation: Watch for further fires. Do nothing for time being.

9 Germinal 1492: Fact that site of fire was site of murders one day prior weighs against accident. Recommendation unchanged due to lack of evidence.

9 Germinal 1492

Report No: 6-1492-1462

From: Corporal Sasha Rurik
To: Captain Mayon Quirk

Robbery reported at Valiant & Little, Tailors.

2 Suspects Sighted:

  • Human Female, eluded pursuit. Wearing light armor and carrying bow.
  • Halfling, indistinct gender. Wearing pants. Identified by feet.

Thieves tripped an alarm. Upon arrival of Guard, suspect one fled. Two guards detailed to pursue, but lost suspect in the alleys. Second suspect barricaded door with tailor’s dummy. When entry managed, suspect had destroyed the lock to the tailor’s office and escaped out a small window. Some blood found on window. Sample taken for analysis or other use.

10 Germinal 1492: Clerk reported that shop had an unusually high amount of commissions that day, likely related to noble party taking place soon. Two to three groups appeared atypical customers. All made multiple orders of a well-made masquerade costume, but were not well dressed. Two included orders for clothing of a small, halfling or gnome size. Third included multiple orders.

40 gold reported stolen.

Recommendation: Watch for potential suspects. Halfling likely easier to identify.

10 Germinal 1492

Report No: 6-1492-1478

From: Constable Tog-Kun
To: Captain Quirk

Report from elf servant, Mor’Teyna of Master Taxidermist Dunn Haast. She reported that her master was unusually agitated after some customers picked up an order. Upon speaking with Master Haast, it became clear that a large man of Orcish descent wanted his Orc head. And his pants. And some sort of gnome.

Recommendation: Ignore. Recommend new apothecary to Master Haast’s servant.

Adventure Summary

Experience: 250 to each character from the mugging

Roleplay XP

Andy/Karl Kristofson: I mean, just… holy fuck.: 225.5 XP. Please send me song for wiki.
Alex/Heskaria “Heska” von Dargle: Booze, splat, and starting the trophy rush: 110 XP
Austin/Marson Pinewright: First person I’ve ever seen use Profession (X) as explicitly intended by rules & voice of reason: 100 XP
Becca/Doras Oscail: Nose for rumor & escaping consequences: 150 XP
Niles/Joto Tanglefoot: For nefarious deeds & escaping consequences: 135 XP
Zach/Ro-Shek: Consistent orcishness: 120 XP

Once again, Ny’Ami and Tac Itt will get a chance for inter-session RP XP based on the fluff they will eventually get to explain their absence.


  • 2 Greatclubs
  • 5 Leather Armor
  • 3 Light Crossbows
  • 15 Gold
  • Wrist knife
  • Taxidermied animals (100gp cost)
  • Some quantity of potions

Did anyone take any trophies from this session’s combat?

Delphin's Six
Lawyers v. the Boat That Was Definitely Not an Airboat

From “Little Damn Heroes, The Adventures of Heska and Joto II: Little Big Robbers,” by Edgarda Rice Howard (Manuscript draft 1, redline)

(Editor: How in Bolenna’s name did the first one sell so many copies????)

20 Ventose, 1492

So began the saga of Joto Tanglefoot, Heskaria “Heska” von Dargle, and their faithful sidekicks.

The Awesome Band of Awesome (Editor: Really?) [Sr. Editor: Yes, really] all awoke in their inn, the Sleeping Meerkat. Joto did a series of acrobatics upon the unconscious bodies of Ny’Ami and Tac Itt, bedazzling his and Heska’s sidekicks Marson Pinewright, Ro-Shek, Karl Kristofson and Doras Oscail. While those lazybones just didn’t want to wake up and have awesome adventures (Editor: Joto is a pretty big halfling…), everyone else decided to go talk to their bestest friend Angela Delphin and see what awesomeness she had in store for them.

When they got to the Guard House in the Gem District, Angela Delphin was skeptical of this Awesome band of adventurers, even though her bestest buddy Hoban had sent them to her. However, they were so awesome that she decided to recruit them for a super top secret infiltration mission, but they had to prove their awesomeness by smashing a dungeon. Since they were short some people (Editor: Really?) she decided to let Karl Kristofson and the super awesome Heskaria “Heska” von Dargle out of prison. (Editor: Wait, WHAT????)

Once Heska and Joto had led a jailbreak (Editor: I hate this series), they headed off for vengeance upon John Steele. While Joto Karl seduced the receptionist with his bardic awesomeness (Editor: Isn’t Joto a rogue), Heska with her mighty hammer smashed down the prison cell and splattered Steele’s head all over the cell, killing him instantly Then Heska and Joto intimidated Steele with their longsword and longbow (Editor: 1. Isn’t he dead? 2. Don’t their sidekicks use those weapons? 3. Isn’t Joto upstairs?) and then got Old Salty to tell them everything and then killed him. Then Heska and Joto sent their sneaky ranger sidekick to steal some vital information while they distracted the receptionist with their bard powers (Editor: They’re both bards now?)

Meanwhile, Joto, Heska and their swashbuckling sailor sidekick successfully acquired a boat. (Editor: Aren’t Joto & Heska in the Guard House?)

On the boat, there was a rollicking concert. So rollicking, the orcish windsinger bard was sick. (Editor: We’re pulp, but we’re not that pulp)

Once they arrived, the dead skeletal remains of everyone in the dungeon came to life and attacked them! (Editor: Oh come on, everyone knows there’s no such thing as undead). Once the Mighty Heska had smashed all the skeletons into bits, the Awesomes found all the riches! Then the clever Joto figured out that the evil Captain Delphin had lied, and it was a bank, not a whorehouse! (Editor: Please, transfer me to that book about sparkly vampire were-walruses. It can’t be worse than this.)

Then, in the vault, the nimble Joto and the mighty Heska avoided all the traps! But their silly sidekicks fell in all of them! (Editor: Why were there traps at all?) After Joto cleverly found healing potions to help fix his injuries from the fiendish traps, they smashed their way into all the vaults! And found many treasures!

In one of the vaults there was a dragon snake that ambushed Joto! Fortunately, Heska and friends quickly came to his rescue, saving him from harm. Once they revived Joto after his near death experience, they found that the vault was full of gems! And there was other cool stuff too.

Then, the Awesomes discovered a giant CrocoLizard and smote him mightily. Then their silly orc jester friend got caught in a greatsword trap, but, Heska was available to splatter the big evil vine all over the place.

Afterwards, they found a treasure that would only open for noble awesome folk, but the Awesomes are so awesome it opened. And inside, there was a Deck of Many Things. (Editor: No, no, NO! You can’t think of a better treasure than a ridiculous deck of cards? Ugh.)

Experience Points

Heska & Joto: 1 Million. Everyone else: ZERO.

Encounter XP: 550 XP to everyone but Tac Itt & Ny’ami

Karl: 100 XP. The receptionist, and the Donkey Konga.
Heska: 100 XP, for rage, splattering, genre-savvy, and creating a justifiably literate barbarian.
Joto: 50 XP, for familiarity with Old Petran and Korean.
Ro-Shek: 50 XP, for vision questing and Browning.
Doras: 70 XP, for thieving and snipery and Harry Potter??
Marson: 25 XP, for the underappreciated talent of “voice of reason”


Tac Itt & Ny’Ami: 475 XP each, but with the opportunity to supplement when you find out what you were doing this whole time (Once I write it).

That pile of cash was ~ 1k GP

Federal Rules of D&D Procedure
Lawyers v. the Local Rules

Here are the local rules:

1. Roleplay off a real world inspiration/reference, and it’s worth separate XP from roleplay XP.
2. I’m really lazy and relativist about alignment, so, for example, you probably killed a fair amount of True Neutral people last session.
3. Monks get Fighter BAB
4. There’s plenty of region/class/race limited knowledge, so keep that in mind.
5. Magic items are not just going to be a pile of awesome stats – there’s going to be an opportunity cost, or roleplay work, or upside/downside to fully unlock. But in the same vein, they might grow more if you keep up the RP…

Call Me Surprised
Lawyers v. the Suspicious Absence of Giant Rats

From “A History of the City-States of the Coral Sea,” by Paul R. R. Ipa the Younger. (Manuscript draft 2).

(Editor’s note: We’ll wear you down, Paul. You’ll have to put in chapters eventually)

Ventose 9, 1492.

In which our heroes wake up on a boat. It was immediately established that everyone was, in fact, still wearing pants. After much discussion, they finally decided to loot the room, yielding a rod, taken by Marson Pinewright and a necklace, now in the possession of Joto Tanglefoot. Ro-Shek successfully defeated a door.

Our heroes discovered the armory, and seized many grappling hooks. Ny’Ami heard the siren song of her mace, which became all aglow at her touch. At this point, our heroes discerned that they were, in fact, on a boat.

Our heroes then discovered stairs. After much shifting and peering, our heroes emerged to find John Steele and Hoban. Once our heroes determined who, in fact would go upon the poop deck, John Steele ordered Job Anderson to kill everyone on board.

While Hoban and Constable Emet argued in the corner, the brawny fists of Tac Itt felled Captain Steele. Ro-Shek beheaded Job Anderson, but was then seized with a deep, crippling fear, that he had felt only once before.

Rebecca’s Character and Joto Tanglefoot attempted to take the crewmen from behind by climbing up the ship’s hauling tackle. Hilarity ensued.

Inspector Hoban & Constable Emet seized the contents of Steele’s cabin, then took all the survivors to the Dockside Customs House. There, they informed our heroes that Captain of the Gem District Guard House would tell them more the next day, and gave them a passphrase, in case their shining faces did not prove their good intentions.

Waiting out the evening in the Low Market of Petras, our heroes bonded over their kidnapping at the hands of the Church of Bolenna, and wondered what was locked away in the mind of Captain Steele, in the cells of the Dockside Customs House and what awaited them with Captain Angela Delphin

Experience Awards:


650 XP / Character for killing things.
150 XP / Character for capturing 2 prisoners
300 XP / Character for successfully escaping Bolenna’s Bridegroom

Total: 1100/ Character – LEVEL UP!


Marson Pinewright: 45 XP for learning of the Rod and the boat.
Ny’Ami: 20 XP for talking to your mace.
Ro-Shek: 20 XP for bloodthirst and beheadings
Tac Itt: 45 XP: For sticking to mendicancy and incapacitating John Steele.
Joto Tanglefoot: 10 XP – Quillpick / LOL Loudest Rogue Ever. (The GP should soften the sting).
Rebecca’s Character: 15 XP: Changed the course of combat through a fortuitously timed fall.

Alex’s Character: You may roll at Level 2 if you so choose (1000 XP). Please do. The math gets harder if you don’t. Please check re: backstory – you’re going to be a little more limited than everyone else, but I will move reasonably large metaphorical objects to make it happen. They will be slightly smaller than a brigantine. Ro-Shek tried and failed at that. He did try valiantly.

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is how to roll a character
Lawyers v. the Plastic Cubes

The first things you’ll need are a character sheet, a pencil, and at least one six-sided die. (preferably 4)

(Hyperlink not provided for pencil)

Stats, Race & Class

Next, you’ll need to get your stat values. There are six stats in D&D

Strength: How hard you hit things
Dexterity: How deft you are with things (or avoiding them)
Constitution: How tough you are when things hit you
Intelligence: How smart you are (books)
Wisdom: How insightful you are (common sense)
Charisma: How well you get away with things when roleplaying (and some classes cast spells based on this)

For each stat, roll 4 values on a six-sided die, ignore the lowest, and add up the remainder.
(Ex. 4,4,4,4 gives you a 12. 5,5,5,1 gives you a 15.)

Once you have six numbers, they will be assigned to the stats as you choose. How do you choose? It depends on your class & species.

When picking class & race/species, it’s always good to think about who your character will be. Are you “Bice SMASH puny 1Ls” or a tortured, two-hundred year old virginal Victorian vampire who sparkles in the sunlight? (DO NOT PICK EITHER OF THESE)

The Peoples – these are the backstories for our setting, which differ from the regular D&D stories. The Half-Orcs and Orcs are also slightly changed. [EDIT: So I fucked with the H-Orcs/Orcs and that was probably stupid. Whoops. Talk to me if you want one.] – these have the stat bonuses & special abilities for each race.

[EDIT: Elves can take the Painted Elf variant from the Sand book – trade -2 Con for -2 Int. Better for everyone who isn’t a wizard.]

There are many, many classes to choose from, so these links are listed least to most information overload. There is also the option of just asking me, other people, or Google. (For extra points, walk up to a random person at law school and do it! )

Core Classes:

  • Barbarian: RAGE
  • Bard: He sings! He dances! He casts spells! He fancy!
  • Cleric: Divine Caster.
  • Druid: Nature Caster
  • Fighter: Shitty. Seriously.
  • Monk: Karate Man.
  • Paladin: My sword has holy on it!
  • Ranger: Bowdude
  • Rogue: Sneaky.
  • Sorcerer: Arcane caster
  • Wizard: Other arcane caster, with a book.

Core Variants:

Most of these are stupid. Some aren’t. Pick them based on theme. You should be able to tell from the name if you care or not.

Other Base Classes: If you want one – tell me and I can send you the relevant book and shit.

A lot are really fucking dumb, but thematic. If you have a character theme you can also talk to me, and I’ll see what I can work out/dig up.

  • Archivist: Library man with spell scrolls. Complicated
  • Binder: Talks to spirits. Requires build planning from the beginning.
  • Mystic/Favored Soul: Divine Sorcerer
  • Spirit Shaman: Divine Sorcerer, with spirits!
  • Crusader: Wuxia Paladin
  • Beguiler: Rogue with illusiosn
  • Dread Necromancer: DUH
  • Duskblade: Casts with his hitstick
  • Factotum: She can kill you with her brain.
  • Swordsage: Wuxia rogue/monk
  • Warblade: Wuxia barbarian
  • Hexblade: Shitty Duskblade
  • Marshal: Henry V + Bill Pullman from Independence Day.
  • Scout: Wilderness rogue
  • Spellthief: Like he sounds, but complicated
  • Warlock: Kind of annoying.
  • Warmage: Blasting. Only Blasting.
  • Bladedancer: Monk, with swords.
  • Healer: Um, yeah.
  • Knight: Also, um, yeah.
  • Swashbuckler: Inigo Montoya.

Oh, and there’s psionics, incarnum, etc. but I don’t like them because I am stupid and don’t understand them.

Once you’ve picked your class & race, you can assign your stats. Some notes:

The class descriptions basically tell you what your class considers important.

CON should NOT be your dump stat. Everyone can get squished.

Charisma is traditionally the dump stat if you’re worried. Of course, the people that made this a tradition are more concerned with die rolling than role play.

Once you’ve assigned your abilities, and modified them according to your species, calculate your ability modifiers and write them in the little box.


Your class page will tell you how many skill points you get and what your “class skills” are. It will also hint at what you should pick. However, who your character is may affect this – maybe you have an affinity for climbing trees or juggling goslings.


More or less, the same as above, but feats are far more about raining death on things, so don’t worry as much about the roleplay.


Your class has suggested gear. You can also buy things piecemeal once you roll gold (on your character page).


Determine these statistics and record them on your character sheet.

Hit Points: Your hit points (hp) determine how hard your character is to kill. At 1st level, wizards and sorcerers get 4 hp; rogues and bards get 6 hp; clerics, druids, monks, and rangers get 8 hp; fighters and paladins get 10 hp; and barbarians get 12 hp. To this number, add you character’s Constitution modifier.

If you picked a class that’s not one of those, your number is determined by the full value of the hit die. Ex. Your hit die is a d10 – you start with 10 hp.

Armor Class: Your Armor Class (AC) determines how hard your character is to hit. Add the following numbers together to get your AC: 10 + your armor bonus + your shield bonus + your size modifier + your Dexterity modifier.

Initiative: Your character’s initiative modifier equals your Dexterity modifier. The Improved Initiative feat provides an additional modifier if you select it.

Attack Bonuses: Your class determines your base attack bonus.
To determine your melee attack bonus for when you get into close-combat fights, add your Strength modifier to your base attack bonus. To determine your ranged attack bonus for when you attack from a distance, add your Dexterity modifier to your base attack bonus.

Saving Throws: Your class determines your base saving throw bonuses. To these numbers, add your Constitution modifier to get your Fortitude save, your Dexterity modifier to get your Reflex save, and your Wisdom modifier to get your Will save.

More Details

Here’s where you fill in all the other boxes on your sheet – gender, height, weight, distinguishing features. It’s also traditional to draw a bad picture of yourself on the sheet. (Or a good one, if you’re capable)

The only thing that needs explaining is alignment. There are 2 axes – Law/Chaos and Good/Evil, creating 9 possible alignments. Here are examples, based on how I see it.

Lawful Good: Runs a no-kill shelter. Fictional example: Mr. Spock

Neutral Good: Adopts a shelter puppy. Fictional example: Kaylee

Chaotic Good: Saves an abused puppy from his owner. Fictional example: Robin Hood

Lawful Neutral: Dogcatcher, catches stray puppies and takes them to a shelter. Fictional example: James Bond

Neutral: Wants a puppy. Fictional examples: Destiny of the Endless, The Man with No Name,

Chaotic Neutral: Gets a puppy on a whim, doesn’t register because he doesn’t want to. Fictional example: Jack Sparrow

Lawful Evil: That neighbor that calls animal control on your puppy because he’s a hate monster. Fictional example: Dolores Umbridge

Neutral Evil: Steals your puppy. Fictional example: Sauron

Chaotic Evil: Kicks the puppy. Fictional example: The Joker

Welcome to your campaign!
A blog for your campaign

Wondering how to get started? Here are a few tips:

1. Invite your players

Invite them with either their email address or their Obsidian Portal username.

2. Edit your home page

Make a few changes to the home page and give people an idea of what your campaign is about. That will let people know you’re serious and not just playing with the system.

3. Choose a theme

If you want to set a specific mood for your campaign, we have several backgrounds to choose from. Accentuate it by creating a top banner image.

4. Create some NPCs

Characters form the core of every campaign, so take a few minutes to list out the major NPCs in your campaign.

A quick tip: The “+” icon in the top right of every section is how to add a new item, whether it’s a new character or adventure log post, or anything else.

5. Write your first Adventure Log post

The adventure log is where you list the sessions and adventures your party has been on, but for now, we suggest doing a very light “story so far” post. Just give a brief overview of what the party has done up to this point. After each future session, create a new post detailing that night’s adventures.

One final tip: Don’t stress about making your Obsidian Portal campaign look perfect. Instead, just make it work for you and your group. If everyone is having fun, then you’re using Obsidian Portal exactly as it was designed, even if your adventure log isn’t always up to date or your characters don’t all have portrait pictures.

That’s it! The rest is up to your and your players.


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